Parenting a two yr outdated is such a wild experience. The different day, my son began the morning with an explosion of cuddles, adopted instantly by refusing the blueberry muffins he had declared his very favourite the week earlier than. Once we made it by breakfast, the day by day Battle of Putting on Shoes was nonetheless forward!
Sometimes, I really feel like I’m taking part in a sport of emotional ping pong with my child. And that may be exhausting for each me and him to handle.
Fast-changing emotions and defiant habits are developmentally acceptable for one to a few yr olds, says pediatric psychologist Roger Harrison. They’re a means of constructing your child’s sense of self — and understanding their place on this planet.
But for fogeys, they’ll typically be a supply of frustration, he says. When tantrums and energy struggles come up from these feelings, it may be straightforward for us adults to lose our endurance.
Reframing your toddler’s boundary-pushing as a way of social and emotional studying may supply some reduction, says Harrison, a division chief throughout the division of kid and adolescent psychiatry at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia.
“When we perceive the ‘why’ of sure behaviors and place them inside an acceptable developmental context, it permits dad and mom to step again from the emotion and deal with the habits strategically,” he says.
Harrison and different youngster growth consultants reply questions on frequent toddler behaviors — and supply recommendation on reply within the scenario.
Why does my toddler … say “NO!” to every little thing, even to issues they like?
A toddler’s contrarian nature is simply par for the course at this stage of growth, says Harrison. In addition to growing extra language and cognitive and motor expertise at lightning pace, they’re simply starting to know that they’re their very own distinctive individual separate from their caregivers. With this new consciousness comes a necessity to check boundaries in an effort to set up independence.
“Part of that strategy of determining who I’m is to be taught me in opposition to all of the issues on this planet,” he says.
So in case your toddler provides you a convincing “NO!” to his favourite popsicle or e book earlier than bedtime, what he is likely to be really doing is making an attempt to flex his newly found self-awareness. His “no” may translate to, “Check this out, Mommy! I’m an individual with my very own thoughts and opinions now!”
⭐ Parent tip: What do you have to do if you happen to want your youngster to say “sure” to, say, brushing their enamel, getting of their automobile seat or leaving the playground?
Model a peaceful response, then kindly however firmly allow them to know what is going on to occur subsequent, says Jamie Glowacki, a parenting and potty coaching coach and the writer of Oh Crap! I Have a Toddler. You may say: Yes, we do want to depart the playground. You can both go down the slide yet one more time and stroll out with me, or I can carry you out proper now.
Why does my toddler … say every little thing is “mine”?
In Toddlerland, “the principles of possession are totally different,” Harrison says. “If it is mine, it is mine. If it is yours and I need it, it is also mine.”
As a baby begins to construct their identification and independence, they will typically attempt to exert management over their surroundings by possession, Harrison says. It helps them perceive themselves and their attachments on this planet.
For instance: my mother has black hair, so I’ve black hair. My sister has a cool toy, so I’ve a cool toy. I’m a child with black hair and a cool toy! Mine, mine, mine! By making claims like these, a toddler can take a look at the boundaries of their surroundings to higher outline who they’re.
So in case your toddler claims each e book within the library is hers or refuses to share even her least favourite stuffie on her playdate — do not stress, says Harrison. She’s not being egocentric, she’s simply stretching out that newfound sense of self.
⭐ Parent tip: If you need your child to share, mannequin then observe the habits, says early childhood educator Chazz Lewis. For instance, within the aftermath of a toy dispute with one other youngster on the playground, train your toddler to ask for a flip by reaching your palm out assertively and saying, “flip, please,” he says. Do a couple of observe rounds earlier than sending them again out to play.
Why does my toddler … wish to lick/smash/crash into every little thing?
Does your baby like to spill each container they’ll get their fingers on, lick colourful wallpaper or bounce towards your front room prefer it’s a life-size pinball machine?
They might merely be making an attempt to achieve some sensory details about their environment, says Layne Deyling Cherland, a longtime preschool teacher-turned-content creator who focuses on adult-toddler dynamics.
To them, each motion and interplay is an opportunity to collect extra knowledge about themselves and the way issues work. “What’s me and what’s not me? What impact do I’ve on the world? That’s what all this experimenting is,” says Deyling Cherland.
They might also be craving proprioceptive enter, just like the deep stress gained from tight hugs or the strength-building from climbing on playground tools, she says.
Toddlers crave these kinds of sensory experiences partly as a result of it builds up their inside sense of place and motion, which is vital for coordination, stability and even self-regulation.
⭐ Parent tip: As lengthy as she’s protected, let your baby discover, says Deyling Cherland. Embracing weirdness or silliness might be a chance for connection and a key to disrupting energy struggles.
Make an impediment course with pillows and stuffies to get these zoomies out, then race by it collectively. Dole out some new or favourite snacks into separate bowls and have your choosy eater play a sport of blind taste-testing.
Why does my toddler … preserve doing that factor I advised them to not do 100 instances?
No operating within the kitchen! I mentioned, do not run within the kitchen! You have 10 seconds to cease operating within the kitchen otherwise you’re in huge bother, missy!
If you are repeating your self a bunch together with your toddler, you’ve got possible already misplaced management of the scenario, says Glowacki.
From a comprehension standpoint, your common toddler does not but grasp the idea of negation, Lewis says. So once you say do not run within the kitchen, what your youngster is extra prone to perceive from that sentence is: run within the kitchen.
More importantly, merely telling a child what you do not need them to do does not give them any instruments for behave efficiently sooner or later, he says.
⭐ Parent tip: Instead of telling your toddler what they’re doing unsuitable, train them resolve the issue or what they need to do as an alternative, says Lewis. If you need your child to cease operating within the kitchen, you may say, “stroll slowly within the kitchen.” Or possibly, “please stroll slowly and gently on the tile ground so you do not harm your self.”
“Now, there’s an opportunity they may really do one thing totally different this time,” Lewis says.
Why does my toddler … hate switching actions?
Wake up! Change garments! Eat breakfast! Toddlers are bossed round all day lengthy, typically with little understanding and even much less say of their day by day schedule.
While toddlers thrive on routine and consistency, transitioning from one job to a different might be irritating, Glowacki says. The break in continuity might be unsettling, particularly after they’re immersed in an exercise that offers them a way of consolation and independence, like playtime or bathtub time. Those moments are additionally one of many only a few items of the world she will be able to exert any company over, in order that lack of management can really feel acute.
Add to that starvation, sleepiness, overstimulation — day by day components that might stress out another human — and people transition intervals can turn out to be triggers for unstable feelings and tantrums, she says.
⭐ Parent tip: The subsequent time your baby throws a match about transitioning from playtime to dinnertime, attempt to do not forget that the change is big for her, says Glowacki.
Put slightly energy again into her fingers by providing two optimistic decisions, Lewis says. For instance: Blue plate or purple plate? Juice or milk? This provides her company however means that you can safely steer her the place she must go.
“The purpose of toddlerhood is to offer a baby manageable items of non-public energy to observe with,” Deyling Cherland says. “We need them to have practiced sufficient in order that when they’re this younger grownup going out into the world, they know, ‘This is how I make choices. My choices do have an effect on different folks.’ “
The digital story was edited by Malaka Gharib, with artwork course by Beck Harlan. We’d love to listen to from you. Leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823, or e-mail us at LifeKit@npr.org.
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