Gaza to Dublin: A journey via conflict, displacement, hope | Israel-Palestine battle

Dublin, Ireland – When I used to be accepted to Trinity College Dublin, I imagined a contemporary begin, new lectures, late-night examine periods and a campus alive with risk.

The plan was clear: start my research in September 2024 and at last step into the longer term I had labored so exhausting for.

But when September got here, the borders of Gaza have been shut tight, my neighbourhood was being bombed nearly on daily basis, and the dream of college collapsed with the buildings round me. Trinity despatched me a deferral letter, and I keep in mind holding it in my arms and feeling torn in two.

I didn’t know whether or not to really feel relieved or heartbroken. That letter grew to become an odd image of hope, a reminder that possibly, sometime, my life might proceed. But all the things else was falling aside so shortly that it was exhausting to consider in something.

My household and I have been displaced 5 occasions because the conflict intensified. Each time, we left one thing behind: books, garments, reminiscences, security.

After the primary short-term truce, we went dwelling for a short while. But it not felt just like the place we had constructed our lives. The partitions have been cracked, home windows shattered, and flooring coated in mud and particles.

It felt haunted by what had occurred.

I knew I needed to go

I’m the center baby amongst three siblings. My older sister, Razan, is 25, and my youthful brother, Fadel, is 23.

You would possibly suppose being a center baby spares you, however through the conflict, I felt liable for them. On nights when bombings shook the constructing and worry crept into each nook, I attempted to be the regular one. I attempted to consolation them as I trembled inside.

Then, in April 2025, my title appeared on a small, restricted listing of individuals allowed to depart Gaza. About 130 folks might cross at the moment, dual-nationality holders, household reunification instances and a handful of others. My title on that listing felt unreal.

The morning I approached the crossing, I keep in mind the lengthy, tense line of individuals ready, gripping paperwork, holding baggage, clutching their youngsters’s arms. No one talked.

When two IDF officers questioned me, I answered as steadily as I might, afraid that one thing, something, would possibly go flawed and so they’d ship me again.

When they lastly waved me via, I felt aid and guilt on the similar time.

I didn’t name dwelling till I received to Jordan. When my mom heard my voice, she cried. I did, too. I advised her I used to be secure, nevertheless it felt like I had left part of my coronary heart behind with them.

My household is now in Khan Younis, nonetheless dwelling via the chaos.

I arrived in Amman on April 18, my coronary heart heavy with the load of what I had escaped. The subsequent morning, I boarded a flight to Istanbul, with nothing round me feeling actual.

The sounds of normalcy, laughter, bulletins, and the rustle of luggage have been jarring after the fixed bombardment. I had been dwelling in a world the place each sound might sign hazard, the place the air was thick with worry and uncertainty.

I felt like a ghost, wandering via a world that not belonged to me.

Finally, after hours of flying, ready, being screened and watching departure boards, I landed in Dublin. The Irish air felt clear, the sky impossibly open. I ought to’ve been blissful, however I used to be engulfed by crushing guilt, the enjoyment overshadowed by the ache of separation.

I wasn’t utterly alone. A Palestinian colleague from Gaza had arrived in April 2024, and two buddies have been additionally in Ireland. There was an unstated understanding between us.

“You recognise the trauma in one another with out saying a phrase,” I usually inform folks now. “It’s in the way in which we pay attention, the way in which we sit, the way in which we supply ourselves.”

Back in Gaza, my every day life had shrunk to pure survival: working, hiding, rationing water, checking who was alive. Bombings hit on daily basis, and nighttime was the worst. Darkness makes each sound really feel nearer, sharper.

You don’t sleep throughout conflict. You wait.

Those nights, the silence was deafening, punctuated by the distant echoes of explosions. I’d lie awake, straining to listen to hazard.

The darkness wrapped me like a suffocating blanket, amplifying each creak of the constructing, each whisper of the wind.

During the day, folks on the road moved shortly, eyes darting, alert.

Water was a valuable commodity; we might line up for hours at distribution factors, usually solely to obtain a fraction of what we wanted. It was by no means sufficient.

No human ought to reside like that

Five occasions, we fled searching for security, packed in minutes, hearts racing with worry.

In one constructing the place dozens of displaced households stayed, folks slept on skinny mattresses, shoulder to shoulder. Children cried quietly, adults whispered, attempting to consolation each other, however each explosion exterior despatched ripples of panic via the rooms.

No human being ought to should reside like that, however thousands and thousands of us did.

As I sit in Dublin, I carry the load of my household’s struggles with me, a continuing reminder of the life I left behind.

The guilt of survival is a heavy burden, however I maintain onto hope that at some point, I can return and assist rebuild what has been misplaced.

Even now, removed from Gaza, I really feel it. You don’t go away conflict behind; you carry it with you want a second heartbeat.

Watching a world I’m not a part of but

I usually cease within the campus courtyards. Not simply because they’re stunning, although they’re, however as a result of I want these moments to remind myself that I survived.

The laughter of youngsters right here feels overseas, a reminder of pleasure that has been stolen from so many.

Walking via Trinity College in the present day feels surreal. Students giggle over espresso, rush to lectures and complain about assignments. Life strikes so seamlessly right here.

I message my household on daily basis. Some days, they reply shortly. Other days, hours cross with no response. Those silent days really feel like torture.

But I’m decided. Being right here is about rebuilding a life, about honouring the folks I left behind.

Survival comes with weight.

I carry the goals of those that couldn’t go away. That accountability shapes the way in which I transfer via the world; quieter, extra grateful, extra conscious.

I hope sometime I can carry my household to security. I hope to complete my research, rebuild my life and use my voice for folks nonetheless trapped in conflict.

I would like folks to know what it takes to face in that line on the border, to depart all the things behind, to stroll right into a future alone.